Part 11: Documents

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It’s not the imitation game, it’s the document game.

Many people have asked for this blog Opus Dei that I’m about to unfold, so take a seat. You’re sitting? Good.

So you want to immigrate to Russia?

You have near maxed out your passport on pages (I don’t have a single blank page left as I write this.) You are ready to take that I-don’t-care-about-sanctions-or-speaking-English-so-much step! Some of us are lucky; our place of work can do all the paperwork for us, if we are immigrating for work purposes.

Some of us are not so lucky; you and your other half (who is native Russian) have decided to make this 3 year visa and take on the burden yourselves. Somewhere in that brain of yours, this is a good, profitable idea. After all - millions of people run into Moscow every week, because apparently that’s where all the money is to be made. I’m focusing on the 2nd one;

 PART 1: (Assuming you have done all the translations of your passport, have a copy of your wedding certificate, an apostille from your native country proving that you are not a criminal that also needs to be translated, etc). It all begins at this place; you make an appointment, show up to door number 16 or 64, at the set times they tell you. Here there is no queuing system. It’s very simply walk in, wait for one person with their eyes wider than everyone else to look at you, and you realise that you are next in line behind that person. The main problem is; there is no line. There’s no ticket system, just a door that opens and closes like some 6th grade high school principal meeting with disgruntled parents. An aggressive-looking woman will take your details, make a copy of your passport and give you a form to take the necessary tests.

PART 2: You are asked to go to a hospital to give a urine sample. Note that this sample is then taken in for testing. This building is no where near the building from Part 1.

PART 3: The aids test. If you have aids you can’t become Russian. That’s not to say that there are Russians who do not have aids. Again this test is done somewhere else; another building that is nowhere near the buildings from Part 1 or Part 2. Nope not even walking distance. Now that that is done, the sample gets sent off and you have to wait for the results.

PART 4: The results are in! Now you need to go back to the building in Part 2 and Part 3 to retrieve these documents to give it back to the woman from Part 1.

PART 5: First you have to pay for all these tests and the right to apply; this is done in another building in some other part of Moscow that is different from Part 1, 2 and 3.

PART 6: Now you are back at the building in Part 1, seeing the same person you saw originally, and she/he accepts your offerings. But now the person who is applying needs fingerprints done.

PART 7: The police station is only open to take fingerprints at set times - something like Wednesdays and fridays from 10am until 1pm. You would think that wanting to have your fingerprints done would be easy (after all, criminals get their prints done all the time) but to catch this man at the set times takes a bit of patience. By the way, the police station is nowhere near any of the buildings from Part 1, 2, 3 and 5.

PART 8: Return to woman in the building from Part 1. Now it is sit and wait for 6 months until it comes through (during which time the woman will not contact you, you have to phone and find out.) It is my best advice to hound them; My temporary residence was issued in July and I received it late December. That’s 6 months of my 3 year residency used up. And let me be clear that when we called and asked if there was any way they could speed up the process they openly suggested we pay $1000 to them to get it done instantly. Yup, bribery. The truth was it was ready, and they were looking to scam an honest couple. I'm sure they'll deny, of course, and it's my blog words against theirs.

PART 9: Now you have a Temporary Residence permit for three years! Yeah! That should be it, right? Right? No. Now you need the actual VISA. Go to the nearest council in your neighbourhood Russia, and they print it onto a blank page in your passport - takes about 8 days.

PART 10: Now it’s really over, right? I can rest now for 3 years? No. Now you need a stamp once a year from the building in Part 5.

PART 11: To become a permanent resident would be the next step after this; this is a whole new board game which requires you to pass a Russian exam. If I ever decide to make that leap I will gladly fill you in with the step-by-step process. Peace out and buy my books - they’re awesome! :)

Check out my books here: www.jamesbrough.com